I am the most anxious flier ever. Except Bob Lanham. When we went on our honeymoon to Mexico, his eyes kept filling with tears. He was all sweaty. When we hit some pretty rough turbulence, he grabbed me, gave me a "hug" (which was more like a cross between a bear hug and a death grip) and screamed (literally) that everything was going to be okay.
When I flew to Delhi, I got upgraded to Business Class. It saved me from my flight anxiety. During my eight hour layover in Chicago, I literally asked five employees of the airline five different times how to get upgraded. They all said the same thing: "Pay for an upgrade." Sure jerks. If I could, I would have already done that. Then, when we were boarding, I was called to the service counter. I was sure I was getting kicked off the plane for being annoying, but instead a Jason Bateman look-alike told me that I had been upgraded to Business Class and that I could go ahead and board. I started jumping up and down. I did a high kick (for real). I wanted him to be excited with me. He just stared at me. I told him that I wanted to kiss him, and he smirked a little. He reminded me of my friend Bobby Helton. Mean as hell with a good heart. Sassy til the end of time.
Anyway, I think everyone should fly business class always. It was full of mostly middle aged men who thought I was pretty. The flight attendant was a little old man who loved me from the get-go. He showed me how my chair turned into a recliner, and he gave me some Bose noise-cancelling headphones. He did that for everyone, really, but I could tell he loved me.
During the flight, I drank a lot of free Bailey's (to go along with my Xanax). I didn't touch my book, and I only watched one movie. And then I slept. And it was glorious. When I woke up 11 hours later to the pilot's announcement that we would be landing in Delhi in 30 minutes, all of the men smiled at me like I was the most endearing creature ever. The old man flight attendant patted me on the head and said, with his British accent, "My last sleeper. You missed breakfast. Would you like some juice?" I almost asked him for a hug, because I was so happy.
I am sure the return flight in Economy will be traumatizing, but for now, I will just revel in the joy that was my Business Class experience. Thank you, American Airlines.
When I flew to Delhi, I got upgraded to Business Class. It saved me from my flight anxiety. During my eight hour layover in Chicago, I literally asked five employees of the airline five different times how to get upgraded. They all said the same thing: "Pay for an upgrade." Sure jerks. If I could, I would have already done that. Then, when we were boarding, I was called to the service counter. I was sure I was getting kicked off the plane for being annoying, but instead a Jason Bateman look-alike told me that I had been upgraded to Business Class and that I could go ahead and board. I started jumping up and down. I did a high kick (for real). I wanted him to be excited with me. He just stared at me. I told him that I wanted to kiss him, and he smirked a little. He reminded me of my friend Bobby Helton. Mean as hell with a good heart. Sassy til the end of time.
Anyway, I think everyone should fly business class always. It was full of mostly middle aged men who thought I was pretty. The flight attendant was a little old man who loved me from the get-go. He showed me how my chair turned into a recliner, and he gave me some Bose noise-cancelling headphones. He did that for everyone, really, but I could tell he loved me.
During the flight, I drank a lot of free Bailey's (to go along with my Xanax). I didn't touch my book, and I only watched one movie. And then I slept. And it was glorious. When I woke up 11 hours later to the pilot's announcement that we would be landing in Delhi in 30 minutes, all of the men smiled at me like I was the most endearing creature ever. The old man flight attendant patted me on the head and said, with his British accent, "My last sleeper. You missed breakfast. Would you like some juice?" I almost asked him for a hug, because I was so happy.
I am sure the return flight in Economy will be traumatizing, but for now, I will just revel in the joy that was my Business Class experience. Thank you, American Airlines.
Cool!!!!
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